[Video Game] DC and the F2P: The Combo (TF2 Pub Tales)

We go together, doctor.

These are more excerpts found within the diaries of DC’s sister, among spent bullets and a broken butterfly knife.  

Part 1
Part 2

Fun fact: This was written before the great Meet Your Match update, when a lot of players populated Valve’s pubs. You can still relive the horror fun today in vanilla community public servers.

The Combo

Well, there wasn’t really much to say about me playing Pyro after we got out of the gates. DC would lead me to some unpeopled paths on the map, and we’d set panicking players ablaze. It was fun running around and setting things on fire, and we soon racked up a couple of kills (and deaths) together. I was later tickled pink to see a medal next to my name too. I was an MVP in such a short time! I was so proud.

Beware of my sparkles!

“I honestly forgot how much fun this game is”, I excitedly told my buddy after kamikaze-ing into a level 3 Sentry Gun. (I wasn’t able to destroy it, of course. Nevertheless, it was hilarious.) “But I want to try something different. Any ideas?”

I watched her on the Death Cam as she somehow made a rocket fly back to an enemy Soldier. It looked awesome, but I think it was a lucky shot, since I heard her click away like crazy before it happened. “God, deflecting projectiles feels SO GOOD”, she cried, beaming at me. “But hey, if you want something new, let’s do a Heavy-Medic combo. I’ll be Medic. Stay there; I’ll come to you.”

As she ran back to spawn, I selected the big guy in the Choose Class screen. “Don’t forget to wear the stuff, OK”, I reminded her, as I wore what she called the ‘Gibusvision combo’. She laughed as she replied, “Oh, I almost always have them on my Medic, so no problem.”

Dressed up and ready to go. Don’t I look sexy?

As soon as her Medic was ready, we ran out the gates. Well, as fast as I could run as a Heavy, anyway. “Don’t worry, OK. I’ll be your dedicated doctor. I’ll heal you and only you, and try to keep you safe.” She gave me a thumb’s up in real life as she said this.

I frowned. “Don’t be one of those people, please. Heal everybody”, said I, as we finally reached our other teammates, who were already screaming out for a Medic. She smiled. “All right, all right. Just don’t forget to turn around every so often. Like RIGHT NOW.” Before I could ask her what she meant by that, a Spy had apparently backstabbed me while I was trying to mow down an annoying yet brightly colored Scout that kept jumping around.

We even had the same hat! How could he?

“Should I run back to meet you at spawn? I almost have Uber, by the way.” I watched her move about like a little mosquito around our teammates. (She sure liked to skitter about as a Medic.) “Nah, it’s OK. There’s a teleporter here, so I should be there in no time. And what the heck is an Uber?” Thanks to the tele, I was soon right next to DC again. “Oh you’re her– I’M FULLY CHARGED!”, she screamed. “Run into the enemies, NOW!”

A little distraught by the sudden command, I rushed towards the RED team, guns blazing. Everyone, of course, started shooting at me immediately. About to curse my sister for her suicidal tactics, I suddenly found myself all covered in shiny blue, and stopped taking damage immediately. What the heck? “Don’t just stand around there, get the Sentry Gun to the right! Go go go!”

I immediately complied, still a little perturbed by the change of colors in my screen. We got a couple of buildings by the RED team down though, and my other teammates came in after to help us deal with the enemy team that scattered about.

We looked like this, only way cooler. DC says she doesn’t have photos of our Uber moments because she’s “too busy Ubering” to commemorate our moments of glory. Sure, whatever.

“Woah, what was that? Was that Uber–“, I started asking her, but she screeched, “SPY! TURN AROUND!” Before I could do so, I was killed by a Spy, yet again. “Aww, but I just destroyed so much stuff!”, I cried, a little upset to know that it was the same Spy that killed me earlier. She patted my arm. “You did good, but you have to keep moving, dear. The round’s not over until it’s over.”

“OK, fine. Just hang about there. I’ll be there in a bit.” I watched as the BLU team pushed the cart to the last point. Just a little more, and we’d win! I respawned soon enough, but something seemed weird about the resupply room. It had more orange and red hues, when spawn looked a little more blue earlier. Then I read in the chat that I was moved to RED team for team balance. What just happened? “Hey, what is this? Am I on RED now?”

What is auto-balance?

Just then, I heard the lady on the microphone say that the round was ended, and that BLU team won. A BLU Medic with the Gibusvision combo ran towards me, and started to dance in front of me. “Press G, you can dance with the enemy team, too. And sorry, sis. That’s what you call auto-balance. It happens, and sometimes at the oddest moments.”

“But I worked so hard! I got most of the stuff down too!”, I cried, while dancing with her in the room. Just then, a BLU Soldier came in and started pelting me with rockets. As soon as I died, I watched as the Soldier started to drink coffee in front of me, as if taunting me in my helplessness. It was too much.

“DC, that was so unfair. I don’t want to play this game anymore.” I just couldn’t. How could such a mechanic exist? I was doing so well, too, and BLU team was so close to victory. I sighed as I clicked on the new item I apparently got. It looked pretty cool, like a big bright sign. “That was just so disheartening.”

She took at a look at my screen, and placed an arm around my shoulder. “I know just the thing that’s going to make you feel better. Join me in 2Fort.”

How can a place like this possible make me feel better?!

Disclaimer: The entries may or may not have been written by DC’s sister, who may or may not still be mourning over auto-balance. (Though she’s probably not even thinking about it anymore, thanks to the MYM update.) Read Part 1 of this series here.